you forced my hands by the oil jug and gas stove.
under this masterminded party,
i caught the blame you fanned over so easily.
i admit to never learning how to tame this orange matter,
my knees shaking itself into soot
like blackened efforts,
shuffling wherever the humid wind blew.
we could both see a solid figure
decimate into untouchable specks
(you didn’t care who I was to you anymore)
the last guilt you made me swallow
through words stuffed down my ear canal
led to sprinkles over the sea. it mirrored
a dead body’s last wish floating downward
into a cold abyss of unsalvaged souls – like me,
you said – before calling it suicide.
i am okay if y’all are wondering!! this was written a few months ago, at first chasing a sonnet form but sidetracking into free verse because i had the choice. heavy attempts to domesticate the scenes but that needs work. i’m truly envious of people like Joshua Ip (hi joshua you are REALLY awesome) who come up with upsized versions of sonnet compilations like nobody’s business. senpai.
meanwhile, here’s to the first post of the year! 2018 shall be the attempt to move away from despondent sidewalks into sunny beach walks with terribly good ice-cream on a cone. in other words, thank you for reading even this and happy new year xx